Successful Relationship Myths Revealed | Psychotherapy San Francisco

Psychotherapy San Francisco by Evelyn Hoch, LCSW, MFT

                  ::  Myth # 1: Accepting what you don’t like about your partner is a recipe for disaster.

Offering psychotherapy San Francisco, I have actually found quite the opposite. Since most conflicts in relationships are unresolvable, stop trying to solve the unsolvable. Successful couples learn to live with these differences. Remember, acceptance doesn’t mean that you like it, but rather that you surrender to what is. To be truly known & accepted is the very essence / core of love.

::  Myth #2: Fighting is bad. Fighting will destroy a relationship. Good relationships have minimal conflict.

Not true. Fighting can be healthy. It gets things out in the open. What matters is “how” you fight. Fighting can be toxic, even cause irreparable damage. In successful relationships, honor and respect are maintained — even in the heat of the battle. No below the belt, “I’m gonna get you where it hurts” behavior. Hurting your partner damages trust and intimacy in your relationship. Remember, you’re half the relationship. If your aim is to hurt your partner–you’re actually choosing to hurt yourself! Learning to fight fair is essential.

::  Myth #3: Great relationships almost always have great spontaneous sex.  Everyone knows that hot spontaneous sex is one of the best predictors of a successful relationship. 

Definitely a myth. Since the actual biochemistry of attraction and desire changes significantly over time, waiting for a feeling of overwhelming desire is self-defeating. The real secret of keeping romance alive is the willingness to show up. Prioritizing emotional and sexual intimacy is the key to keeping romance alive. Anticipation and planning can be sexy!

::  Myth #4: Happy couples prefer spending almost all of their free time together.

Not true. Actually, expecting one person to satisfy all of your needs is unrealistic and tends to lead to resentment and anger. Having some time apart — pursuing your own interests and friendships, tends to keep relationships fresh and alive. Remember to take time to nurture your relationship with yourself. The capacity to truly love another person requires self-knowing, self-acceptance and self-love.

::  Myth #5: Love yourself. You don’t need constant love, affection affirmation from your partner.

Wrong. Self-love is essential, but not a substitute for the daily verbal / non-verbal expressions of tenderness and love that we all require to feel loved. You wouldn’t put your favorite plant in a dark room, never water it and simply expect it to flourish, now would you?

::  We invite your reply and comments in the space provided below  ::


Evelyn Hoch, LCSW, MFT, is licensed both as a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She believe psychotherapy/ counseling is essentially a journey in self-love, self-knowing and acceptance. Therapy is an opportunity to review both current and past patterns, traumas/injuries in a safe environment. Her therapeutic style is interactive, helping women explore and support the discovery of their more authentic selves, utilizing techniques drawn from various disciplines, such as communication theory, self-psychology, cognitive techniques.

Contact Evelyn Hoch @ 510-547-3759

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